A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
