so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
