i would punch a child for taco bell
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
