so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
