it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
