if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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