I wish they made helmets for livers.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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