Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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