Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
