You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
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Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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