if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
