happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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