They should really pass out barf bags in church
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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