Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just cut my nipple shaving
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
