you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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