I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
