When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i think my cat just said my name.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
