So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
