He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
