If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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