If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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