Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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