You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I didn't notice because vodka
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
