I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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