just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
