When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My vagina just recognized that song.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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