dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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