It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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