dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize