I am in a vortex of obligation.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
