If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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