What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
