Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
