Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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