you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
