I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
