Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
