just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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