Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
