I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I believe in your delicious
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize