She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
