Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
