guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
