hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
