Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
