i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
