last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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