the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
