my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
