Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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