I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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