i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
