dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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