i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
