New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
