the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
