I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
