We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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