Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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