take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
