I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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