"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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