if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
