i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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