Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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