I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
