what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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