I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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