end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
