YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
