I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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