she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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