Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
