I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
