i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
