We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
