It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
