Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
