a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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